Here I Am, Lord

All Smiles

2010-08-05T00:36:00.000+07:00

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Charles M. Schulz

It's Been A While!

2010-06-25T02:05:00.000+07:00

Things have been pretty crazy around here and I haven't really had a chance to slow down and update y'all on what's been going on!

Immediately after returning from Vietnam I spent about two weeks catching up on sleep, missing Vietnam, hanging out with my grandma, securing a job at Life Time Fitness, and spending time with a boy I had started talking to while still in Vietnam.

At the end of May I started my last class to get my degree! Chemistry, intense chemistry! We have a lab and lecture almost every day, as well as 4 tests plus a final exam. Next week is the last week and I'm proud to say I haven't been failing at any point!

I also started working at Life Time in the Child Care Center. It's quite an experience. Basically we make sure the kids don't hurt themselves or other kids. The people that work there are interesting and fun to chat with, and there are quite a few kids who are there every single day so you get to know them. I work 5-6 days a week and have been making decent money finally! Plus I get a free membership :)

After my senior project is finished at the end of July, I am looking to start a post-baccalaureate certificate in project development and management at Baker College online. I really think it will help when trying to apply for jobs at LCMS or any other mission organization because a lot of what they do is project planning. I'm also considering starting my own sort of business!

I think about Vietnam every single day! I think about the traffic, the weather, the language, the people, and most importantly my friends and family. I can't be more thankful that God allowed that to be a part of my life!!

Change, Change, Change

2010-05-23T01:50:00.000+07:00

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.
Arnold Bennett

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.
Harold Wilson

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
C. S. Lewis

We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.
Harrison Ford

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
Mohandas Gandhi

A Little Ao Dai Adventure

2010-04-13T23:46:00.000+07:00

I finally had a traditional Vietnamese dress, ao dai, made for me. Actually, I got 2 dresses and one pair of pants to wear with both. They are both gorgeous and I cannot wait to show them off back in America!

I was a little hesitant to head back to the tailor's shop because the first time she was quick to comment on my curves. She's just not used to anyone that isn't skin and bones. Thankfully I'm proud of them!

Thankfully there were no comments about the curves, but she did get 2 handfuls of "the twins" and lift them up, suggesting that I needed a more supportive bra to pull off the outfit!

Nothing like a little fondling from a stranger to complete my day :D

Reasons This White Girl Honked At YOU!

2010-04-07T22:56:00.001+07:00

The driving in Hanoi is just plain ridiculous. HOW on earth people survive daily on the roads is beyond me. Here's a list of things that drive me absolutely nuts about Vietnamese drivers:

Texting or talking on the phone while driving.
Never using a turn signal (while texting or talk on the phone).
Honking for people to get out of the way when there is no where for anyone to go (while texting or talk on the phone).
Making left turns beginning as far on the right side of the road as possible (while texting or talk on the phone).
Driving through a red light causing everyone in opposite traffic to stop for you (while texting or talk on the phone).
Speeding (while texting or talk on the phone).
Not wearing a helmet (while texting or talk on the phone).
Adults wearing a helmet and not putting one on their kids (while texting or talk on the phone).
Honking for people to start going when there is still 5+ seconds on the timer until the light turns green (while texting or talk on the phone).
Zooming out of a side alley into busy traffic without regard to oncoming traffic (while texting or talk on the phone).
Instead of waiting for traffic to go, driving out to the left of everyone, blocking oncoming traffic, and then causing more of a traffic jam when you eventually have to merge back to the right anyways (while texting or talk on the phone).
Two or more motorbikes driving next to each other (while texting or talk on the phone).
Turning around to stare at the foreigner driving a bike (while texting or talk on the phone).

Oi!

I'm a Bathroom Stalker

2010-03-31T15:03:00.000+07:00

Here's the situation: for some reason unknown to myself, or mankind, the teacher in my faculty frequently change the lock on the bathroom. The process should be like this:

Make copious copies of new key.
Distribute to entire faculty.
Replace old lock with new lock.
Allow everyone to do their "business" when they please.

Here's how the process goes in our faculty:

Replace old lock with new lock.
Make a few copies.
Allow others to realize they no longer have the correct key.
Seek out the select individuals with a correct key.
Make a few more copies.
Receive another copy of the OLD key.
STALK THE BATHROOM FOR SOMEONE WITH A CORRECT KEY SO YOU CAN DO YOUR "BUSINESS".
Repeat steps 4 and 5.
Pray to sweet, baby Jesus that steps 6 and 7 do not need to be repeated.
Receive correct key.
Do your "business" whenever you please.

I'm halfway between step 7 and 8. No drinking water at work until step 10 is complete.

Engineering?

2010-03-14T21:01:00.000+07:00

So this semester I've been assigned to teaching Reading/General Engineering at the Hanoi University of Technology. What?? Where is my degree certifying me to teach this?? It's nowhere to be found, so thus I have been left to fend for myself in the classroom.

Something I've learned in the past few years is to be honest with myself, and with those around me, about my shortcomings. That way there is no confusion, denial, blame, and there is usually a bit more laughing involved. So here are a few of the things I've had to admit (sometimes in the midst of the mistake):

1. After adding incorrectly to determine the winning team of a class: I can't do simple math.

2. After drawing a worm looking thing on the board: I can not draw. (See earlier posts for pictures.)

3. After misspelling countless words on the board: I can not spell very well.

4. After dropping my motorbike on myself and running over my own foot: I cannot lift/turn/park my motorbike.

5. After tripping over nothing: I'm clumsy.

6. After snapping at someone I'm close to: I lash out at the people closest to me.

So there it is, my little list of shortcomings. However I have also found that my realizing my faults and admitting them, I can draw closer attention to the things I do great! Like singing, reading, picking up Vietnamese, writing, being positive, being great with kids, being thoughtful, and always trying to bring some laughter to the moment :)

I love being in the classroom with my students here so much! But I'm having a hard time living in this limbo. Limbo this time consists of knowing that my time in Vietnam is almost over, but not quite because I still have to be here for a couple more months. How do I function? How do I interact with people? Who do I spend my time with? Where do I direct my efforts?

Here's to living in the moment, trusting that God has all my tomorrows already figured out, and holding His hand through it all.

Earning "It" Back

2010-02-15T20:16:00.000+07:00

Trust. It's a hard subject. And it's what life sorta runs on.

When you're little and your mom or dad is in the pool telling you to jump and promising that they'll be there to catch you. You trust them. And then you jump. And they catch you. Done deal. Now you'll be obnoxious and ask them to catch you eight million times because you trust that they'll be there every time. To this day, I can call my parents any time of day and they'll be there for me. Extra done deal.

But man oh man. God save the soul of the boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend that breaks that bond of trust. It's SO hard to trust again! Imagine if my dad had just let me sink to the bottom of that pool. Assuming I am alive after that, I'm going to bet I'd have some serious trust issues with Dad. How do you gain that back. YOU LET ME SINK! You let me down! You broke my heart! I get a horrible feeling in my stomach when I imagine putting any sort of faith in you whatsoever!

These feelings don't just go away. These feelings fester, they hurt, they drive distance between you, and in my case...there's really no return.

So you say you want to earn my trust back? How do you do that exactly? Just catch me every time after that and hope that when I'm 90 years old I won't remember that you dropped me that very first time?

Fortunately I live a life where I have someone I can always rely on to catch me when I jump, and that's God. Humans will ALWAYS fail. Always? Yes, always. And that sucks. I can't imagine growing up without a parent/parents/anyone at all. But even in those cases, God is there for those people too.

So next time I jump and someone let's me fall, instead of looking around for someone else to pick me back up again, I'll try to remember to look up to my Heavenly Father who I can always depend on.

*Disclaimer: My relationship with my dad is awesome. This was just a metaphor. Love you, Dad!*

Shameless Plug

2010-02-07T08:56:00.002+07:00

I've recently taken an extra interest in photography. I SHOULD with that fancy $500 camera that my parents bought for me! Anyways, I decided to post my favorites on Flickr and then somehow stumbled across a few groups with daily challenges/contests. Basically the first 7 people to reply to the thread post a picture relating to the topic, and then everyone votes on the winner. It's only been 3 days and I've already won 3 challenges!

Sooooo here's my site: Amanda's Flickr Page, as well as the links to my 2 winning photos: Winner #1, Winner #2 and Winner #3.

Chuc Mung Nam Moi! (Happy New Year!)

More winnings: Winner #4

Music To My Ears

2010-02-02T02:13:00.000+07:00

Whenever I'm in a "mood" I always flip through my music for something to sooth the "mood". Here's a list of some of my most frequent listens...and bands I would highly suggest checking out (or laughing at me for having the guts to write this in public).

*Newsboys
*Sanctus Real
*Britany Spears (the old stuff)
*Switchfoot
*John Mayer
*Jack Johnson
*Kelly Clarkson
*Rascal Flatts
*anything from a Disney soundtrack
*Billy Joel
*Frank Sinatra
*Matt Nathanson
*Maroon 5

Flat Tire

2010-01-29T21:43:00.001+07:00

They say you should put all your eggs in one basket. Well, screw whoever "they" are. Although, "they" are right, dangit. I did. And now chest feels like some elephants trampled on it.

So I'm not getting my dream job. I'll put on my big girl pants and deal with it of course. I've no choice. But dang...I really wanted that job!

I'm feeling a bit lost. I was really convinced that God was really lining things up for this to happen. I know there's a reason behind the closed door, but now I'm just not sure what my goal was. Before I was working towards a goal...now I'm just sort of treading water.

I'd appreciate some job recommendations. I'm great at typing and Microsoft Word. I have a car and I'm willing to relocate. I'm super friendly, organized, punctual, reliable, and great at multi tasking. Thanks for helping in advance.

I also make some pretty awesome ColdStone Creamery Birthday Cakes...that's always a plus.

No, Mom, That's the Bumps Blind People Use to Read

2010-01-09T19:36:00.000+07:00

Why yes, the title is something that came out of my sister's mouth on the way into the city from the airport less than an hour after arriving in Vietnam. I always miss her, but more so when we are together and we just crack up over the smallest things. Check out the quotes section on my Facebook for more of my sister's antics.

Gotta love that face.

It was so great to show them what life is like here: loud, dirty, crazy, busy, unplanned, unscheduled, late, early, cheap. But the best part was to be able to share my family and friends with them!

Sister, sister, and mother.

The NIN family and my family :)

Although most of our experiences were positive ones, I'm still fuming over a couple bad ones.

1) I got my phone stolen at the Long Bien bus station on Sunday afternoon. I had just finished giving my mom a lecture about pickpockets on the bus, and WHAM! Some guy shoved into me, I grabbed my purse, and he grabbed my phone. I almost wish he had stolen money instead! There goes a year's worth of contacts made in Vietnam :(

2) I almost got in a physical fight with some guy on the street. He grabbed me to push me out of the way, I elbowed him to get my arm back, he shoved me in the back. I almost punched him in the face. Ugh. Boys suck in every country.

Speaking of boys, I may or may not have met a cute Irishman to keep me company for the remainder of my stay here in Vietnam. He's a gentleman, has an adorable accent, nice friends, and likes me :)

Christmas in July...in December

2009-12-29T17:54:00.000+07:00

I was definitely feeling homesick this past week. Putting up a Christmas tree all by myself and hearing about my family getting together without me was a bummer. I wasn't even really looking forward to our Christmas trip to Da Nang. But once I got there it was wonderful! It didn't feel like Christmas at all! No snow, no cookies, no snow, no presents, no snow, no parents, no snow. It was upper 70s to 80s every day, a nice breeze, and my Vietnam family :)

My mom and sister arrive in Vietnam in just 7 hours. I couldn't be more excited!!!

(Side note: kid on my street SCREAMING, "Mẹ oi!" MOM!)

I got to spend a lot of time with Ted and his family, especially Nadia, his daughter whom I met when I first arrived in Hanoi, but she has been in the States for school since then. It was great to get some single girl time!! I also got to drive a motorbike by myself and even rev it up to about 60km/h on the way back from Hoi An! Even though it didn't feel like Christmas, I know I'll remember this one forever! For some few pics of the gorgeousness that is Da Nang go to www.picasaweb.google.com/amandolinrooney2

My Artwork Strikes Again

2009-12-21T13:39:00.000+07:00

My Question: Write the names of Santa's 9 reindeer.

Students: What's a reindeer?

This is a reindeer. Yes, Santa is a bit skinnier than usual. And yes, that's a steering wheel on his sleigh. And yes, the reindeer has feet like a chicken as well as an unusually long, thick neck.

I apologize to all educators in the United States that I am giving my students a terrible impression of what American teachers are like.

Not really.

I think it's funny.

God Knows My Thoughts

2009-12-16T09:39:00.000+07:00

No joke, last week I wanted to go home. I was entertaining the thought of going home with my mom and sister after they visit. Of course I wouldn't break a contract like that, but I was just fed up with a lot of things...on top of a nasty cold which is like number 8 or 9 in the list of sicknesses I've gotten since coming back in September.

But this weekend I was invited to the wedding of one of my student's cousins. We took a 2 1/2 hour train ride to Hai Phong, east of Ha Noi. The ride was spectactular. Although one of the most uncomfortable 2 1/2 hours of my life, the scenery whipping by was breathtaking. The rice fields, houses, tropical plants, rivers, small mountains. The sun began to set turning the sky beautiful orange and pink colors. I almost cried thinking about leaving this country!

We arrived after dark, had a delicious crab dinner, then took a relaxing walk around the center of town. The parks and rides reminded me of being back in the US! Plus, we had great conversation about careers and family and happiness. Much needed. The wedding the next day was a blast! Even though I can't speak much Vietnamese, I still felt like part of the family...eating deep fried frog (not just legs) like a pro!

Upon returning home, a student stopped by my house because he needed someone to talk to about his recent relationship break up. Although I was sad about the break up, I was a little happy that my students trust me so much!

I am so thankful that God knew exactly what I needed to experience to remind me how AMAZING Vietnam is, how much I LOVE my students, and WHERE He wants me to be for now.

You Don't Even Know!

2009-12-16T09:26:00.000+07:00

The first weekend in December, two volunteers, Sarah and Betsy, from Thailand came to visit me while renewing their visas. I had met them a few months ago in Taiwan for our SE Asia retreat, and we were fast friends! I was super excited to see them, and the weekend totally lived up to my expectations! We went to Hai's wedding, English club, and did LOTS of tourist stuff in the city! It was great to have people stay with me, and I got some good practice in for when my mom and sister visit in 2 weeks!! Also, super excited for Sarah, the new volunteer, to arrive in only ONE month!

Celeste

2009-12-16T08:59:00.000+07:00

My last term in Vietnam, J.P. and Aimee's daughter, Celeste, was my best 2 year old friend. It was always "Manda, watch" "Manda, look" "Manda, help me"!! When James and I drove to Virginia for J.P.'s ordination, she pretended not to even know me! I was a bit bummed. After returning to Vietnam, she was pretty shy at first towards me, which made me a little sad. But after a weekend at a resort with the NIN crew, she warmed up again! It was awesome good fun, and now I feel uber loved when she's yelling for A-MAN-DA to come play!

My Week

2009-12-03T01:15:00.001+07:00

I know you are all sitting at home (or work...slackers) wondering what it is that I do all day, every day. Well here ya go!

Monday: teach Pronunciation class 7:30am-11am ish...office hours in afternoon...tutor 2 nine year old boys at night.
Tuesday: coffee with my friend to practice English in the morning...teach Pronunciation from 1pm-4:30pm...dinner with Rachel
Wednesday: teach Pronunciation from 6:45am-11:30am (yeah I know!)...office hours in afternoon...dinner at JP and Aimee's house or with friends...Bible study at JP's house
Thursday: sleep in!!! tutor high school girl in afternoon...English club at night
Friday: tutor student in the morning...teach Pronunciation from 12:15pm-5:00pm
Saturday: who knows? trips...meetings...hanging out...being lazy :)
Sunday: (my favorite day) church at Hanoi International Church...lunch with church people, usually at a great Indian place down the street...clean, do laundry, study, call home, watch TV, relax!

It's not as busy as it seemed at the beginning...and I LOVE teaching...other than getting up at the crack of dawn on Mondays and Wednesdays!

My (His) Yoke is Easy

2009-12-01T19:13:00.000+07:00

So today in pronunciation class we were learning the difference between "joke" and "yoke". I asked if everyone knew what these meant and of course they didn't know what yoke meant. So first I attempted to describe in words...which I've realized is pretty futile because I just end up using big words that they don't know to describe little words that they don't know. SO I resorted to my drawing skills:

Yup. That's what I drew on the board. Actually, I embellish on Paint...in the classroom I actually didn't put nostrils...and in one class I just drew a smiley face. I never claimed to be an artist...or a teacher for that matter :)

Anyways, talking about yokes always makes me think about one thing: not eggs! Jesus! Honestly, coming from good ole' Rochester Hills, the only time I heard yoke was when reading the Bible:

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Jesus (Matthew 11:29-30)

This verse really struck me in college when I definitely felt the weight of the world on my shoulders at times. I think this is also when I began to develop my "dislike" for nitty-gritty doctrine and focus more on the main message of the Gospel: Jesus died for all our sins. We are going to heaven! God loves us all! Amen!!

Blessings Amid a Pile of....Bad

2009-11-29T00:33:00.000+07:00

Food poisoning = no good. Monday was fine until I returned from a trip with some students to get a heater (see post before this for details about the need for a heater). My stomach wasn't feeling so hot on the back of the motorbike but I thought maybe it was a bit of motion sickness...for the first time in 8 months? Anyways, when I got home let's just say it started coming out both ends. And didn't stop! After 3 hours I called my boss in a bit of a panic and feeling like crap. I got a few tips and tried to tough out the next couple hours. But by 9pm I was severly dehydrated so J.P. came to my house, called the doctor, and took me into the SOS Clinic.

They put an IV in my right arm and loaded me up with some painkillers and anti-sickness. Then they tried to take a blood sample. I guess I was so dehydrated that my veins were too small to find, but that didn't stop them from moving the needle around a ton to find it. It hurt. So did my stomach. And my head. And I was tired. And thirsty. Ugh. I really just felt helpless, like it was just never going to get better. I started crying really hard and saying I wanted to go home...which is a sentence I have only seriously uttered once before this night. The nurses wanted to give me more painkillers, but J.P. explained that I was just sad. It was one of those moments where you just want your mom, ya know? I was only there a few hours and managed to get a few hours of sleep that night/morning. I spent the next 3 days feeling pretty crappy, but was able to attend Bible study on Wednesday night which was some much needed "people" time.

I remember laying on the table shaking due to dehydration with tears streaming down my face wondering what God's plan was in all this. Maybe I would have to opportunity to share a story with a nurse there? Maybe J.P. would have a life changing conversation with the doctor? Well, none of that happened. However I did have an amazing chance to talk with a friend about where I draw my strength from and who would be my Healer. And then the CRAZIEST thought crept into my head...well more like popped in there: I would do it ALL OVER if I could have that conversation with someone else. WHAT?? Who actually wishes to be sick like that? But in some weird way I feel like that was more like what I thought signing up to be a "volunteer" with LCMS World Mission would be like! Plus, I think people relate more to stories of suffering and the "miraculous" healing!

In other awesomely awesome news this week....Thursday we celebrated Thanksgiving as an LCMS team. I have to say that is one of my favorite days in Vietnam so far. I felt like we really were a family! Everyone sat close, chatted about traditions from home, and we ate REAL turkey :) I definitely wasn't expecting that! I was actually pretty homesick that day. I woke up and thought, "This is Thanksgiving....but I don't smell my mom cooking anything...and we're not going to the Lions game." God has certainly blessed me by placing me with such an amazing family here in Vietnam- people I can depend on and who love me. I have way more than I can ask for!

Friday was my first day back in the classroom for the week, and although I was coughing pretty hard I loved it. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the classroom is one of my favorite places in Vietnam! After class I went to dinner at my new favorite burger place called My Burger My (the second My has a Vietnamese tone on it which makes it mean American). I took one of my new good friends and although it was a lot of food for him (welcome to America haha) I think he liked it, and of course the company ;) Afterwards I went to see Mamma Mia with Yung Ting. Now let me tell you, Yung Ting is NUTS about Mamma Mia. We're talking about listening to the soundtrack or watching the movie at LEAST once a day. Saying he has it memorized is an understatement. He was STOKED about the play and LOVED it! I did too :) The high schoolers did a good job, even when there was a short blackout in the middle of Dancing Queen (how Vietnamese).

Tonight we had dinner at Hank and Donna's from church. They invited tons of people and had the dinner completely catered. I felt like I was at a wedding! The dinner was SO nice! All the "young people" from church sat together and had a blast! I was really feeling like an outsider in their group, and still do from time to time, but tonight was a nice big group event and we all enjoyed each other's company. Another huge blessing: people who are in similar circumstances and the same age as me! We concluded the night with karaoke down the street. I haven't done karaoke with American's before! It was good, but the place had a serious lack of English songs. Seriously, I haven't been to a place that didn't have Spice Girls! I hope we do it again sometime :)

Look, we haven't changed much have we?

I'm looking forward to December a TON! Thursday I will be attending the wedding of one of our LCMS employees and friends out in the villages. Also, Sarah and Betsy, whom I met in Taiwan last Easter for an LCMS retreat, will be visiting for 4 days and staying here at my house! I'm excited to do the tourist thing again! It's been a while since I've been to all the sites! Later this month it seems like everyone's families are going to be visiting so that should be fun. I am MOST looking forward to my mother and sister coming at the end of the month! I miss them so so much, especially my sister. I admire and love her so much...and this will be the longest period of time we'll have spent together in over a year!

Ice, Ice, Baby

2009-11-21T01:47:00.000+07:00

Welp. It's 1:34am when I am starting this entry. Occasionally I'll stay up this late watching various pirated TV shows that I normally watch in the States to keep me sane here. But tonight I made an effort to go to bed early, and yet I'm up again. Partially because I have what Cana calls "spicy stomach" and partially because it's FREEZING in my bedroom. Basically, whatever temperatuare it is outside, it is in my bedroom. So according to Accuweather.com tonight it is a whopping 44F in my bedroom.

Don't get me wrong. I love cold. I love snow. I love wearing big, baggy, comfy clothes and cuddling up under my blanket with my teddy bear (yes, I am 22, almost 23) and hitting the snooze button 2 or 3 times. But this?? This is horrible. You know how your fingers and toes feel after you've been out in cold, wet snow for a while? That kind of numb so much almost to the point of hurt feeling? Yeah. I've got that. And it's a little hard to sleep with.

However. In the middle of my "omg-I'm-so-cold-and-tired-and-I-want-to-go-home" cry, I stiffed up when I realized how many people there are that would kill just to have a bed to sleep in like me. Like all the homeless people we helped a couple years ago at Beautiful Feet in Ann Arbor. Even more so all the people here in Vietnam who live in what I could barely call a shelter.

In a few minutes hopefully I'll grow a pair and get into bed and try to keep any part of my skin from being exposed. And when I wake up in the morning? I'll thank God that He gifted me with the ability to breathe, and a hot water heater :)

Thanksgiving is on the way and I am so thankful for so many things. Most of all I am thankful that God has given me the opportunity to be here in Vietnam. Yeah, sometimes it's difficult, but it's the best time I've ever had in my life. I'll never forget the people here, the things I've seen, and the things I've learned about myself.

And in special honor of Thanksgiving...here's a pic of my lovely sister on our way to Thanksgiving dinner two years ago :)

You Know I Like You When...

2009-11-16T11:05:00.000+07:00

...I bust out my boxing gloves and start a fight!

Honestly, who fights with people they don't care about? What's the point? Unless you are one of those strange people who gets rush of pure joy from arguing. You're weird. Find something else to do.

Anypunch...

Arguing with friends sucks. The truth about me however is that I only fight with people I love. I feel like you have to trust someone quite a bit to show your mean/bad/argumentative/wrong side. The fact that I can't pick up my cell phone and text the one person I wanna text because we had a spat just gives me tummy ache.

Blah. I think my mood matches the weather today: cold and gray.

Speaking of the weather: I tried explaining this crazy bi-polar feeling going on inside me to my students. A couple days ago it was about 90F here in Hanoi. Today it's 60F. That's a 30 degree drop in just a couple days, so of COURSE I busted out my fleece jacket and scarf! However when I email my mom and tell her I'm freezing at 60F, she's thinking I'm NUTS because it's like 35F in Michigan and they would kill for 60F right now! I'm surprised how well my body has adjusted!

This is the first year of my life that I won't see SNOW!! It's crazy crazy! But I asked Mrs. Nelson's Class to send me some pictures, so I'm looking forward to those :)

This week is Teacher Day on Friday. That means lots of pretty flowers!! I'm not vain, I just like flowers...lots of them :)

Random food fact: I've fallen in love with Mana crackers. They are uber cheap...plus they are called Mana...so I feel biblical when I eat them! Moses...Israelites in the desert...food from God...get it?

Facebook Gone?

2009-11-11T22:51:00.003+07:00

So I've had trouble logging onto Facebook today. I talked to 2 students and they said that they are shutting it down here in Viet Nam...at least for a while if not permenantly.

At the risk of sounding like a totally addict, or a giant baby, I almost cried a little bit. The thought of being cut off from my family and friends so suddenly for SO long just plain sucks!

So, if you feel like keeping me sane, please email me: amanda.runey@keptprivate.com. I'd love to know what's going on in your life, and I'm sure you'll all be wondering what life is like in Viet Nam, and by "in Viet Nam" I mean "without Facebook".

Also, if you're in the surfing mood and like some good mountains, head over to www.picasaweb.google.com/amandolinrooney2 for some quality pics from my weekend trip to Mai Chau :)

Yes, I took this photo and Have not edited it at all. Killer scenery!

Wedding Devil

2009-11-02T20:00:00.003+07:00

Halloween this year was awesome! Last year was spent bar hopping with my gay ex-boyfriend after a long night of work at Max and Erma's. I know, I know, that sounds un-toppable. But hear me out.

Somehow, last week, two of my favorite students convinced *cough*guilted*cough* me to sing a song as part of their Halloween celebration the following week. I warily agreed and spent that night playing nearly every song on my iTunes to see which ones I truly knew all the words to without thinking about it. Because naturally I didn't want to be a complete screw-up by forgetting the words. I stumbled across "The Way You Love Me" by Faith Hill and found my winner. I immediately downloaded the karaoke version and starting belting out the song in my room, which I'm sure my extremely quiet (aka loudest people I've ever met) neighbors enjoyed. I call that sweet, sweet revenge.

I found out I needed to attend a rehearsal. But wait, let me inform you first that I have never sung alone in front of a large group of people. I took voice lessons my last year at Concordia and pretty much bombed my "small group" performance and completely bombed my final exam. I'm not exaggerating. I forgot the words, my voice didn't hit a single correct note, and my body was shaking violently. Remind me why I agreed to sing fot this Halloween thing again?? Anyway, rehersal consisted of plugging in speakers in the parking lot, hooking up my iPod, and singing for the small group of people there. I didn't forget the words, but I pretty much sucked. My students avoided saying how horrible I was by politely suggesting I practice with more confidence. I love them. I love the cultural idea of "saving face" a little bit more these days.

One rehearsal turned into two and the next one was with legit microphones and about 3 times as many people. I sucked equally as much and again was encouraged to practice more confidence. Yeah. Okay. Got it. I suck. You are the ones who asked me to do this so now you live with the consequences. And by consequences I mean my horrible voice.

The day of the performance I had a couple female students come do my hair and makeup for me. I added more makeup when they left. And completely changed my hair style. What can I say? I think my hair is the best thing I've got going for me, especially since it sets me apart from basically this entire country. I put on the only nice dress I have here and matched it with some black flip flops from Old Navy (classy, right?) and headed to school. I was calm, cool, collected, you know. I was supposed to be the 3rd singer during the play, a good 45 minutes at least until I went up on stage. I wandered around a bit to see the booths my students had up. I came back to the waiting area and suddently, "Okay, Miss Amanda, go!" What?? I wasn't prepared! But thankfully wasn't shaking. They started my music too early and I didn't get a microphone. That's cool, just start it over, no biggie. Then it stopped after about 10 seconds the second time. Again, no big deal, one more time. Music stopped a third time. WTH?? I started getting uber nervous and considered just walking off. But alas, it turned on again and I managed to get through the song and the improv dance with my white prince without any major mess ups. Thank goodness for the giant, too bright spotlight that blinded me from seeing the HUNDREDS of people watching me!

Afterwards I didn't have many people say I did a good job...however they didn't say I needed more confidence either, so I was happy. Everyone said I looked beautiful. Good. Now I can look frumpy in class more often because they know it's not a permenant thing. I did enjoy hanging out with ALL my students that were there and a lot of them are beginning to be some of my best friends!

All in all, although I'm sure the gay ex-boyfriend stories make for a better laugh, I feel like the memories from this Halloween will stick with me for the rest of my life. Plus, I have pictures to prove it happened :)

Trick or Sick

2009-10-27T23:14:00.003+07:00

So with the approach of Halloween, I feel like I should state that the devil fights dirty and I am not a fan. I haven't gone 2 weeks without being sick since I arrived back in Vietnam. I'm not saying the devil made me sick. But he is sure using it to try to get my spirits low, and no doubt make me think I am a horrible teacher and friend to the people I am letting down at school. Forcing me to stay in my room for a day/days is a great way to get my mind going in a million directions, usually leading to a low point.

Thank God that this time my illness was proceeded by two KICK BUTT AWESOME days of classes! My students and I are finally starting to click and it's a great feeling! I'm actually starting to look forward to class, even the ones early in the morning! I think I've found my groove, well besides the whole getting sick part!

I think I'm even starting to come out of a second shell! I must, because I agreed to sing a Faith Hill song as a part of a Halloween show on Saturday night in front of literally over a hundred people at least! What am I thinking?? No doubt it'll be on YouTube like...an hour after the show!!

I found out my family is coming to visit at the end of December. I am SO excited to show them this life and place that I have come to love! I can't wait to introduce them to all the important people in my life these days and for them to experience all the crazy, awesome experiences that Vietnam has to offer! Mostly, I just want to see my mom's face when she crosses the street :)

Things You Would Probably Never See on the Streets of Rochester Hills

2009-10-11T23:54:00.004+07:00

1. A cockfight.

2. 7 brides getting their picture taken on the same day in the same spot.

3. Molding water in the gutters.

4. A giant dead rat.

5. Tons of dead cockroaches.

6. Wires above the intersection that are touching the ground (in good weather).

7. A scale with wheels and an option to tell you how "in shape" you are.

8. Large pieces of motorbike bumpers tossed aside after a collision.

9. A person selling anything.

10. Minorities....haha....just kidding! But seriously...

Real Thoughts

2009-10-09T19:21:00.002+07:00

I've been delaying writing real thoughts on here because...well basically because I find my thoughts hard to organize these days. I hardly ever feel myself in the moment. I'm either thinking about how crazy/weird/ironic/"planned out" my past was to lead me to the place I am...or I'm thinking another step ahead about where I'll be in the future. It's probably not a good thing and might be part of the reason I went through some aweful culture shock the first few weeks here.

It hasn't even been a solid month yet and I already feel like it's been a lifetime! In contrast to last time, there isn't much point in saying, "Oh, I'll be leaving in ____ days/months", because that number is still huge! I've spent the past 4 weeks organizing and planning out how to keep myself completely exhausted for the next few months. All in all my only free time exists on Monday and Wednesday afternoons, Friday mornings, all Saturday, and Sunday evening. That seems like a lot, but it's really not, especially when the heat and lack of sleep due to obnoxious children and dogs feels like it sucks half the day away from me before I even started. Let me just say that if I were the mother of the children that live on my alley, I would have smacked them into next week...so many times that they would be like a year older then they really are. Seriously!

I enjoy my limited amount of free time though. Living in this house all alone is, well, lonely. I try not to spend too much time here, and when I do it's normally downloading episodes of TV shows back home that keep me sane: Grey's Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters, Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, Greek, Drop Dead Diva, and Glee.

Speaking of nerdy things I do, I feel like there is a list coming on, because I love lists. And there are that many things.

1. I'm afraid to put the toilet top down because I'm afraid that a bug might pop out at me the next time I open it. This is a completely irrational fear because I've never had this happen to me, nor have I heard it happening to anyone else.

2. I'm a little scared of my kitchen. It's kinda half under the stairs, and again I'm afraid of bugs popping out. However, THAT was is rational because I find dead roaches in the kitchen almost every morning.

3. On the topic of bugs, I feel like Raid is my new perfume. It'll catch on.

4. I have a jar of peanut butter and a jar of strawberry jam (the real kind, I totally splurged a whole $3 on it) in my fridge, but no bread, so I eat them alone, and seperately.

5. I've been living here for 4 weeks now and JUST discovered that to avoid taking cold showers every day I should have turned OFF the cold water on full blast. Who woulda thunk??

6. I have conversations in my head of what to say to people who speak only Vietnamese. Instead of taking a minute or two and calling someone to translate for me. So "Xin Chao" will have to do.

7. I always say temperature in Fahrenheit, even though I know full well everyone uses Celcius here.

8. I habitually place my order for street food and then check my cell phone for text messages to avoid the stares. Sometimes I even write fake texts to keep myself occupied.

9. I mentally thank Old Navy everyday because I currently have 6 pairs (all different colors to coordinate with outfits) by the door and they are all I wear.

10. I check my email at LEAST 20 times a day, always hoping there will be something, then getting angry if it's Facebook or spam.

11. I daydream about what is waiting for me at home. Then I freak out about what's not waiting for me at home. Then I tell myself not to think about it again. Then I do it again.

Sometimes...

2009-10-06T00:04:00.003+07:00

...when the light in the bathroom naturally goes from dim to brighter as time goes on...I imagine that I am being enlightened with some amazing idea.

...I get really sick and don't tell anyone.

...I want to yell whatever "shut up" is in Vietnamese down my alley to all the obnoxiously loud children...and their gossipy mothers...no matter what language you speak, gossip all has the same tone.

...I get attached way to quickly.

...I worry where I'll be a year from now.

...my students make my heart smile, like today when they told me I am beautiful and a good teacher!

...I wish I knew pig latin.

...I drink whole bottles of water at once.

...hugs are the only cure.

...I buy gifts for people who mean a lot to me.

...I sing random musical notes for as long as possible, changing the pitch and tone, imagining that I am making up some new song that someday I will write (in musical notes which I cannot read or write) and then write lyrics to and sell it and I'll be hella famous.

...I dream that I'm in a room full of colorful balloon type blobs...and I wake up crying??

...I wonder what it would have been like to become Christian later in life, rather than having been raised that way my whole life. Would my faith be stronger? Would I still be Lutheran?

...I wish I had been born back when there is no electricity and you had to do everything yourself and read by candlelight. Then I turn on my laptop and that thought is the farthest thing from my mind. Why does this thing run so slow?? Wow, I feel materialistic.

...really simple things make my heart skip a beat when I think of a fond memory...like certain flowers, a movie title, a smell, or the way someone laughs.

...I am reminded that true love is out there somewhere when I see an old couple walking down the street holding hands.

...my mind gets away from me sometimes :)

I Hope I Don't Have Swine Flu

2009-10-04T22:16:00.002+07:00

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. ~St. Clement of Alexandra

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. ~Aristotle

The best way out is always through. ~Robert Frost

Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking. ~William B. Sprague

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. ~Confucius

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. ~Benjamin Franklin

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is short, art long, opportunity fleeting, experience treacherous, judgment difficult. ~Hypocrites

To live is like to love--all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. ~Samuel Butler

As I grow to understand life less and less,I learn to love it more and more. ~Jules Renard

In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet. ~Albert Schweitzer

Who is the happiest of men? He who values the merits of others, and in their pleasure takes joy, even as though 'twere his own. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances. ~Benjamin Franklin

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. ~Henry David Thoreau

I Will Praise You In This Storm

2009-09-29T12:38:00.003+07:00

Currently there is a typhoon hitting Central Vietnam (near Hue and Da Nang where I was visiting just 2 days ago) pretty hard. I haven't heard about any damage or deaths, however I can't understand the Vietnamese news stations. But I am able to see that swirling red thing headed straight for us. I've been told Hanoi is only expected to get some pretty large amounts of rain, but that equals lots of flooding. Please keep Vietnam in your prayers, especially those who have lost/may lose their fields which are a source of food and income for their families.

http://www.divevietnam.com/weather_forecast.shtml

Sweet Somethings

2009-09-13T20:27:00.003+07:00

For some reason I really expected the transition back to Vietnam was going to be a lot harder, especially since JP and Aimee aren't here yet. But it's been awesome! Of course it's only been a couple days, but I am feeling so incredibly blessed! I have only cried once which is a huge change for me lol. I didn't even cry at the airport!

Blessings:
1. I slept a decent amount on the airplane with the aide of some wine and sleeping pills
2. All my luggage made it from Detroit to Hanoi
3. I had 2 people to pick me up at the airport
4. My new house is AWESOME! Four stories all to myself for now! My own room and bathroom and most importantly: air conditioning!!!!
5. There is a bun cha place around the corner!! It's my favorite Vietnamese food of all time!
6. My internet is extremely reliable so far and I have even been able to use video chat on Skype :)
7. Ted's niece, Julie, is in town for a few months and we get along pretty well!
8. I got to meet the Winkelman's which is super awesome to add another family to that family atmosphere that is so important to have here
9. Church!! I missed it so much! What joy to get back to the raw worship that St. John has been missing for a while! Plus there are so many familiar faces that I missed seeing regularly, especially Rachel!
10. I met 3 cool new friends at church and we went out to lunch with the Englebrecht's for yummy Indian food :)
11. Yung Ting personally asked me if I wanted to go see the water puppet show...so cute!
12. Had coffee with 2 of the 3 new friends...it'll be nice to have some close ex-pat friends this time around :)
13. Spent $50 or so on groceries...I finally have some food and water!
14. I unpacked and realized I have a lot more space than I thought! It makes me that much more excited to have a place of my own someday
15. I only have one 6:45am class and it's on Wednesday instead of Monday like I thought

Everyday I am reminded to remain in awe of how God has a hand in everything in my life. I am glad I can blog and journal about good times like this so that next time there is a down time I can look back and be filled with hope that the future is in God's hands! The screen saver on my phone is "Ebenezer" which means "Thus far the Lord has been with me". What a great reminder!

Travels

2009-09-08T09:58:00.003+07:00

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” - St. Augustine

“No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” - Lin Yutang

“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things - air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky - all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” - Cesare Pavese

“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.” - Henry Miller

“To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.” - Freya Stark

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” - Miriam Beard

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” - Martin Buber

“To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time, to be in a position in which almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted.” - Bill Bryson

“If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay at home.” - James Michener

“A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.” - Tim Cahill

“Not all those who wander are lost.” - J. R. R. Tolkien

“Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.” - Maya Angelou

“What you’ve done becomes the judge of what you’re going to do - especially in other people’s minds. When you’re traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don’t have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.” - William Least Heat Moon

“The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.” - Rudyard Kipling

“Adventure is a path. Real adventure - self-determined, self-motivated, often risky - forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind - and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” - Mark Jenkins

I Am A Christian

2009-08-26T01:46:00.001+07:00

When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say ..."I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble,
And need CHRIST to be my guide.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak,
And need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed,
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible,
But God believes I am worth it.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches,
So I call upon His name.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not holier than thou.
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace somehow
~Maya Angelou

Money? What?

2009-08-19T12:07:00.002+07:00

Sooo just a little update about fundraising. St. Louis currently has me clocked in at 25%. That is initially devestatingly TOO LOW!

HOWEVER: based on promises made and previous committments that have said they will make another donation, if they all turn in their money it will put me at a whopping 80%!!! Plus I have a fundraiser coming up on September 1st at Shield's Pizza in Rochester, leading Bible study at St. Peter Macomb, a free will offering at Trinity Utica at a service at which a couple thousand are expected plus the congregation is sending a team to Vietnam next year, speaking at Concordia University in Ann Arbor, speaking at St. Matthew's in Wixom and Walled Lake including a door offering, and finally speaking at chapel at St. John Rochester.

WHEW! It's been a rough summer, but in very Lutheran/Asian style everything is coming together at the last minute.

Can I get an AMEN?? God is good!

A Confidence Boost

2009-08-08T12:08:00.002+07:00

Living at home has made me feel like I've gone back a few years. I had begun to forget the independent and successful young woman I had become in Hanoi. Tonight at dinner with JP it was great to be reminded of the GOOD work I do in Vietnam and how much I am needed and how God has blessed people through me. It's tough not to hear any encouragement for so long, especially when this fundraising situation makes it seem like a roadblock to going back at every turn. Thankfully dinner tonight, a Christian concert earlier this week (by a great band, Bluetree, check them out!), and a couple talks with some close friends have really reminded me of how God is in control of this situation and that although it is really hard, blessings are coming out of it left and right!

So here's to the blessing of being able to ask, "Will you give me money?"

Home is Weird

2009-08-02T01:40:00.002+07:00

I wear a hoodie and jeans on days that its 80 degrees.
I take naps in the middle of the afternoon almost every day.
I'm killer patient in traffic, because there are literally hundreds LESS people on the road.
I get full after about 1/3 of a normal meal.
I can drive more than 5 miles in less than 45 minutes.
Most menus are only in one language.
No one stares at me.
I'm not the fattest person around.
I can talk quickly and use all the slang I want.
I can tell the difference between what part of Asia all the Asians are from.
I keep trying to link my arms with girlfriends.
People call instead of checking their email all day.
My hair is down. And straight. And stays that way.
I don't have to turn the water heater on.
My shower is enclosed.
My internet doesn't go out often.
I turn the fan on at night not because I'm hot, but because I need the noise.
I have more than 5 channels to watch on TV.

Fundraising

2009-07-19T09:04:00.001+07:00

Fundraising is miserable. It literally brings me to tears. Why can't $15,000 just fall into my lap?

Where's Home?

2009-06-24T07:14:00.005+07:00

I keep calling Ha Noi home. But Rochester is home right?

Lots of stuff has been going on since I've arrived back stateside! One of my best friends from high school got married, I've gotten to see much of my family and friends, and I was able to drive down to Virginia to see JP get ordained!

A lot of things have been put into perspective. God has definitely been preparing my heart and my relationship with Him for all the rough times and the unpredictable future.

Sometimes I just stop and think, "Seriously, what the HECK am I doing with my life?"

But it's the little moments that remind me that I know I'm following God's will. Like a woman from church yesterday crying because she is just so darn proud of me!

I've also given up spending so much of my energy on things that just aren't giving any return. My heart just can't handle so much give and no take. I need to quit putting my focus on so many different things and spreading myself so thin. I know what God wants me to do and I need to keep my eyes on the prize: eternal life in heaven and bringing as many of my friends as possible with me!! Party at God's house and you're invited!

See You Soon!

2009-06-10T14:03:00.008+07:00

Wow! I didn't expect to get so emotional (and moody) this last week! There has been a lot of stress to make last minute plans to say goodbye, and official plans to say official goodbyes. I've just felt pulled in so many directions and have found it hard to keep my mind on the task in front of me. For example yesterday while I was supposed to be listening to the speaking final students, I found my mind constantly wandering to what I needed to pack still or plans for when I would return home. Unforunately the students speaking skills weren't that great, making it almost impossible to understand some of them, making it easier for my mind to wander.

I am so thankful that these are not really goodbyes but just "see you later"s. I can't belive I really thought I would be able to come for 5 months and then leave and return to the US forever! It's amazing how much I've fallen in love with the city, traffic and all! 2 1/2 months is a long time though, especially for the few girls that I have become very close to. I actually start tearing up just thinking about it. I'm hoping the summer flies by with all the presentations that I hope to do and family to spend time with :-).

For the next 2 1/2 months I'll have to resort to my many pictures to keep my memories alive and my friends close to my heart :-) And thankfully I'll still be able to see some key players in Team Vietnam: James and JP!

Tears of the Soul

2009-06-03T11:16:00.002+07:00

For the longest time I think I was afraid to share with God how much I was really hurting. I thought it was a sin to be so angry with my situations, so sad when in retrospect I am so incredibly blessed in every aspect of my life. Maybe the sterotype of being a goodie-2-shoes Christian really had an impact on me. And I think some of the way I was raised and taught at school and church have something to do with it. I can't pinpoint a particular reason or lesson I was taught, but I can't really imagine where else these ideas would have come from. Anyways, lately there has been a lot of frustration and hurt in my life and it's been difficult finding a good venting mechanism for it.

But lately I've found a good mechanism: prayer. Go figure!! However I've been praying outloud. I find that if I am just praying in my head that it stays in my head and floats around gathers more angry thoughts and just makes things worse. But saying it out loud gets it out of me and I try to imagine literally talking it into God hands. I've realized that it's okay to show all those hurt emotions to God. Because who else can truly take them and heal my heart? Certainly not the sinful human beings here with me on Earth! God wants to know our every hurt and happiness!

I've also realized that crying isn't such a bad thing. I used to hate crying, and I still really dislike anyone seeing me cry. But crying isn't a sign of weakness! Some say eyes are a window into the soul, I say my tears are my window. I cry often these days. I cry at movies, tv shows, emails from family and friends, frustrations with the internet when I can't reach my family, matters of the heart. I think being in Vietnam has opened up my ability to be vulnerable, to let things truly touch my heart instead of just living life on the surface. All this is just more that God is doing in my life by bringing me here. I can only pray that I can have so many influences on the people here!!

Strike a Chord

2009-05-29T17:31:00.002+07:00

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." - James Baldwin

"The more familiar two people become, the more the language they speak together departs from that of the ordinary, dictionary-defined discourse. Familiarity creates a new language, an in-house language of intimacy that carries reference to the story the two lovers are weaving together and that cannot be readily understood by others." -Alain de Botton

"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." -Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." -Henry Drummond

"The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence." -Albert Ellis

"Love is staying up all night with a sick child -- or a healthy adult." -Sir David Paradine Frost

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." -Bertrand Russel

"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." -Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve

"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be." -Anna Louise Strong

(It Always Comes) Back to the Future

2009-05-27T18:44:00.002+07:00

Past events, recent events, and recent events that have reminded me of past events have all led me to do a lot of thinking about the future. Yeah it's scary. In an ever changing world, I feel like it's almost a waste of time to try to plan for more than a year ahead of time. Then again, when's the last time someone I knew became homeless? Penniless and out on the street with no family and no friends? I've never known someone like that and I know that my family would never turn on me if that even started to happen. So what's so bad about taking a risk? My parents encouraged me my whole life to do what I love and be what I want to be, so why should I let an uncertain future deter me from that? So what if I fall on my face?? At least I took the leap! At least I tried! Nothing worth having ever comes easy! If no one ever took a leap of faith about their future, imagine all the things we wouldn't have in the world. Galileo died defending his leap of faith, and he ended up being right! One of my absolute favorite songs is "When The Sand Runs Out" by Rascal Flatts. I want to make that my goal: taking leaps and hoping I land on my feet...and if not...try, try again :-)

Random Recent Funny Moments (to me at least)

2009-05-21T12:54:00.002+07:00

1. The child in my house running at me with scissors trying to stab me.
2. All the men's worried reactions to me learning to drive a motorbike.
3. Learning that Peter Pan is a Christmas movie in Sweden.
4. Getting yelled at by a woman on a bicycle for walking in the street...when she was the one driving the wrong direction.
5. JP still trying to convince himself that the fan he bought me will be an air conditioner.
6. Being dubbed "Miss Totally Awesome" by some students.
7. Almost getting run over by a bus.
8. JP's super involved and serious lie about Vietnamese jumping spiders that can jump 10 feet and are deadly poisonous.

I love Vietnam.

Free At Last!

2009-05-18T22:27:00.006+07:00

Last week I caught a bad virus going around Ha Noi that involved a very high fever. I was out of commission for about a week. Every few hours I was getting text messages from students asking how I was doing and when I would return to school. I missed them very much as well! I had a lot of time to reflect and pray while I was off of work, and I realized that if I missed my students and friends this much after only a week, how could I stay 8,000+ miles away from them?? I called St. Louis and told them I wanted to return for another school year of volunteer teaching :-) What a weight lifted off my shoulders!! Wow, at the exact time I really started praying for guidance, God gifted me with a virus for clarity :-) He works in mysterious ways!

This weekend was an incredible assurance that I have made the best decision. Myself and five second year students, the winners of an English contest in Ha Noi, travelled to Hung Vuong University in Phu Tho to help James and his students learn how to run the competition for themselves. We had SO much fun! The students all got along really well and made some good friendships. The joy and laughter of the weekend enforced my decision to want to be back here next year! Other perks of the weekend included my first home made meal by students, quality time with James and Michael, and finally some peace and quiet away from the city!

Nghia explaining the rules of the contest to the HVU students.

Bach Khoa and Hung Vuong connection :-)

Michael, myself, and James :-) I was so blessed to be able to spend time with them this weekend!

Stuck in Limbo

2009-05-04T14:57:00.002+07:00

The hardest part about a decision like the one I have before me is that God has made it abundantly clear that no matter which path I choose, He will bless me and the people around me richly. So now it really IS just up to me! Almost every day I experience a moment where I realize that Vietnam is a place I am supposed to be, that I love, that I am needed. However at the same time my heart is longing to be back home with my family. I still have the fact that I have not quite finished my degree hanging over my head. Just 2 more Chemistry classes and a senior project and I'm done!! I am currently researching the possibility of taking Chemistry here in Vietnam...hopefully in English! I just really feel pulled to this field and all my relationships are just starting...I can't leave them now!

I had this awesome moment with one of my student's this weekend. We were waiting outside a pottery factory in Bat Trang for the rest of our group to finish. I grabbed her hand (hand holding of the same sex is a sign of closeness in Vietnam) and we walked down the street talking and giggling, about boys of course! I realized two things. 1. that I am perfectly comfortable being here and doing this sort of work...love it even! 2. that I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. I'm surprised at the second one. Being in a country where everyone is stick thin I figured my self esteem would plummet, but I've learned to hold my head high!

That's another huge lesson I've had to learn here: how to make my faith my own. In the US during Easter there are people around to wish you a Happy Easter. Here there isn't anyone to remind me about it! There are no devos, no chapel, barely any other Christians! There are sometimes days that seem like one big prayer that God would give me the right words to say, put me in the right place, grant me peace and clarity, keep me safe, even just to make the heat go away! I really like who I've grown to be in just these short 3 months and I literally cannot sit still when I think of the endless opportunities that God has laid out for me in the future :-)

2009-04-13T23:06:00.004+07:00

It's been quite a while since I've updated so I won't go into too much detail about what's been going on lately!

Since Carl left, I've had to switch from teaching 4 of my classes to teaching 4 of his. After a little while though I will be switching back to teaching my classes that I started with. It's made making relationships a little harder, but now that I've taught all of K52 (8 sections) I am hoping to plan some group events for all of us, including a line-dancing class!

Aimee, my supervisor's wife, and I took a trip to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, for a shopping/girls weekend. It was so great! Just like being back in the US with 7-11's and Starbucks everywhere! It was nice to spend some time away from Vietnam to make me realize how much I miss it and love it here!

The view from Merdeka Square.

A week after getting back from KL, James and I flew off to Taiwan for an 8 day retreat with other SE Asia volunteers. It was such a blessing to be able to spend time with other volunteers! We were able to share our stories and what we do in our specific countries (Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, Taiwan) in our ministry. I am simply amazed at the work that the Lord does to ensure we are all where we are supposed to be, serving and loving Him and the people He has placed around us.

Me, standing on the Tropic of Cancer!

Coming back to Vietnam made me appreciate so much more the support system that I do have here. However it has made me very aware that perhaps I cannot work to the best of my ability because I don't have a "team" in the sense of what I was used to at CUAA or what they have in Taiwan. These next few weeks/months are going to be filled with prayer and waiting to see what God has in store for myself and for Team Vietnam.

If you know anyone who could possibly be interested in spending a year, or even just a semester in Vietnam teaching English, PLEASE give them my contact information: amanda.runey@keptprivate.com

So Many Fish in the Sea

2009-03-16T23:03:00.002+07:00

Sometimes people at Bible study take the conversation places that either don't interest me or that I have nothing to comment on, so this past week I got bored and wrote in my book:

Bad things happen! The devil will try as hard as possible to get into your head, play on your biggest fears and reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. It's easy to sit back and let self pity, fear, and lonliness grow and take over your life. Sometimes he succeeds in creating such a thick cloud in your life that you believe God is no longer there. It takes a person with strong faith to recognize the devil's schemes and be able to fight him off. This is an opportunity to realize how God is using that experience to strengthen you! Personally, the sheer job of being able to recognize the devil's attack has given me great hope for the plans God has for my life! It's almost a compliment to know that God is working SO hard in my life that devil is trying (yet failing) so hard to fight the Lord's work.

An experience I had in Cancun reflects my reaction to the devil's work. My family and I went snorkeling at an island off the coast of Cancun. All the sudden, hundreds of small, white and yellow fish began to get extremely close to all the snorkelers. I paniced and pulled my head out of the water, repeating, "I don't like it! I don't like it!" My mom heard my cry for help, grabbed my hand, and pulled me away from the area where all the fish were. Apparently the leader had thrown food into the water to attract the fish.

In retrospect, I can see this as an example of the devil's work. He is like the fish, surrounding a person, making them feel trapped and afraid. God is like my mom, knowing my cry for help amongst confusing, taking my hand, and pulling me from any danger. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but a good illustration! It's those moments when I'm pulled to safety by the love of God that I become closer to Him, and stronger for the journey! I am constantly reminded of my Ebenezer (1 Samuel 7:12), my symbol that "Thus far the Lord has helped me". It reminds me that God has gotten me this far, therefore I have no reason to believe that He won't pull me through the trials to come!

Thus Far

2009-03-12T18:28:00.002+07:00

I feel like the email that I just wrote to my friend aka supervisor aka boss, JP, pretty much sums up what I have learned and experienced so far in Vietnam.

Honestly, I still haven't been able to fully wrap my head around Vietnam. But just being here and experiencing what I have already experienced fills me with this unexplainable butterfly type feeling in my stomach that I know is the Holy Spirit doing His work. It's actually the same feeling I got when my pastor was praying for me during my last commissioning service. I wanted to burst out laughing but I couldn't up on the altar! But I can here! And I do! In class :-) It was like I was saying last night at Bible study, I just can't imagine not having the people I love be in heaven with me, and everyday I am in Vietnam I find myself loving more and more people and seeing the love that Team Vietnam has for others!

Another Goodbye

2009-03-08T14:30:00.002+07:00

On Friday, Carl suddenly had to fly back to the US to get medical help. They weren't able to determine what was wrong with him and thought it could be very serious. So he only got a day to say goodbye. I helped him pack on Thursday and we all had a farewell dinner. Even though we had only spent about a month together, I hadn't realized how attached I had gotten. I guess living with someone will do that to you! It was heartbreaking to see him have to say goodbye to some of the good friends he's made here, and even more sad to say goodbye to him at the airport.

Not only was I losing a friend and teacher, but now I'm all alone in the house with the family. I don't speak enough Vietnamese to really communicate with them, and same with them and English. It's hard to look across the hall and realize that Carl isn't going to be there anymore. It was a whole lot easier to cope with the oddities of the family when I had someone to share my grief, but we'll see what happens now.

I knew I was going to make some lifelong friends here in Hanoi, but I honestly expected them to be members of the team, not just my students and fellow faculty. Granted, my students are absolutely amazing and I would rather be spending time with them than anywhere else.

Speaking of expectations: I've given up on even trying to remember what they were at this point. Of course everyone told me to prepare to be flexible before I came, but I haven't realized what they really meant until just lately. Nothing ever goes the way that I think it will! Not to say that it's always a bad thing. However the devil is trying so damn hard to break me while I'm here! Death and loneliness: two extremely hard things to deal with. Now go across the world and deal with them...it's daunting and exhausting! Through every hardship the Lord has worked even harder than the devil and made it into a learning and growing experience for me, as well as bringing something into my life to help ease the pain and occupy my time.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Happy Times!

2009-03-02T10:09:00.003+07:00

About a week after I arrived in Vietnam, a girl who teaches English in Korea arrived to go teach in Phu Tho during her month-long holiday. Long story short, her passport got messed up and she ended up staying in Hanoi to teach at the National Institiute of Nutrition. She also ended up becoming a very close friend of mine. God caused our paths to cross at just the right time! It felt good to finally have some "girl talk" after being deprived for so long post-Concordia dorm life. Cana and I were able to have 3 wonderful trips together: Phu Tho, Sa Pa, and Ha Long Bay. Saying goodbye to her last night was hard! I haven't really been able to "click" with anyone else here except a little with another volunteer, but who works 3 hours away from here :-/

Thankfully my schedule is starting to fill up finally! I am going to be tutoring the 9 year old nephew of one of the ladies from the NIN on Monday and Thursday nights. I am also going to be teaching classes at the NIN all day on Fridays. These new additions, plus my teaching and office hours equals about 38 hours of volunteering a week! Add in church on Sundays, team dinners and Bible study and my life is pretty packed these days! But that's how I stay out of trouble...and I thrive on the pressure. Now I just need to start going to bed before 12:30am!

Heaven

2009-02-26T13:39:00.001+07:00

This is a poem that I wrote back in high school. Not to brag, but looking back at it after so many years makes me think I may have had some talent! Hope you like it!

Feigned angels in heaven
Laugh as it starts
Tugging at the soul to be let go
Those feelings that latched on
So quick and so seemingly firm
Heaven existed a time ago
While life was invincible,
Love went untouched
Mystery hung about the air
Tempting the feelings held there
Unconcerned with consequences.
A surrender to curiousity
Creates a brief fasade of heaven
Yet conseals the anguish beneath
Perhaps the mystery was better kept
Destined to be revealed in time.
Time.
Timing is undoubtedly elusive
Cheating youths of heaven.

BBB: Blessed Beyond Belief!

2009-02-25T10:27:00.005+07:00

This past weekend was my 22nd birthday which was I privilaged to spend in Sapa, Vietnam with my friends Cana and James, fellow volunteers here in Vietnam. Walking through the untouched, undeveloped, and unbelievable mountains was so humbling! A birthday alone is enough to cause you to praise the hands of the Creator who made you, but our destination left me in sheer awe of the Creator's work!

Before coming to Vietnam, it was almost as if this side of the world didn't exist! It was so hard to imagine life living outside of the United States. But I'm here and standing on solid ground and it's real! Feels a little too real at times, especially when I think of how far from home I am. Thankfully the Lord has provided an amazing support system for me here! Everyone knows exactly what I am going through and is more than willing to help and lend advice.

Everything has become so clear to me since getting to Vietnam. What is really important? I don't really need a seperate area in my bathroom for the shower, or a thick mattress, or a quiet road, or consistant internet, or even a cool breeze! I'm surviving just fine, and even getting used to it! I know that I could have done none of this on my own. Every step I take here I feel as though I am hanging onto God's hand for dear life, especially when I get on the back of a motorbike!

Standing on top of a mountain looking at God's beautiful creation just made life seem so simple. My goal for my next few months here is to try to keep things simple, and in Vietnam that seems easier! A simple life, grounded in the Lord: sounds like the peace I've been looking for!

Here, I Am Going, Lord!

2009-01-21T02:42:00.002+07:00

AHH! I leave in a week! I can't even begin to describe the rollercoaster of emotions that I have been going through lately. Ultimately though, no matter what I'm feeling, I'm still getting on that plane on Sunday night! My personal life has been a little hectic, but I'm really looking forward to getting away from it all and changing things up a bit. I have had every single person tell me that this is such a great opportunity and it's going to change my whole perspective on life. I am really excited about that change and even more excited about moving to St. Louis and starting my new life out on my own when I get home.

Talking to J.P. the other night online really helped calm a lot of fears. I also got to look at some of Carl's photos of the city and classroom. It's a lot more...gray...than I thought it was going to be. I'm actually getting excited about trying out the traffic and the food. Still my only worry is about the plane ride. Didn't help that a plane landed in the Hudson River this weekend!! I am just learning to trust that God has the whole world in His hands, especially my little plane :-) It's been a real comfort to read a few Psalms before I go to bed. It's so hard being away from Concordia and the constant spiritual nurishment that I had there. On the other hand, reading the Bible and worshiping at church seems so much more refreshing when it's not around me 24/7. This Sunday I leave the country for 4 1/2 months and the time of my life!!

No Reins

2008-08-14T05:16:00.002+07:00

Could this song describe my life any better? Thanks Bri Bri for pointing this out to me!

Self Esteem Issues

2008-08-07T11:16:00.002+07:00

My first post, I'm sorry to say, is a bit of complaining. This past year has just come at me like a ton of bricks. It started with having to change my major at the drop of a hat at the end of my "sophomore" year. The summer was rough, but it really helped me come out of my shell and make some lifetime friends. However once school started it was like there was a non-stop line of obstacles to overcome in class, with friends, and most especially within spiritual life. Not to mention boy issues, which just make things a million times worse. It was like I never got enough time to get used to something because some new and important problem would pop up.
Second semester was such a challenge. David left making our relationship a long distance (and hard) one! I started Physics where I experienced one of the first times that I tried as hard as I could at something and yet continued to fail. I barely made it through and almost failed another class along the way. We also did the Bible Stick Project for spiritual life. Then deciding about Vietnam and my major and everything just threw my entire life into a frenzy.
Summer got a little better. It was so nice to live in the house with Shanna and Laura. I'm so glad I got to know them! However working at ColdStone in Ann Arbor was so stressful. It was difficult to work with people who had a much lower standard of work ethic than I did. Plus poor management just made it frustrating. I was excited to transfer to the one in Rochester Hills, but it's horrible too! Just for different reasons.
Moving back home has been a little stressful. My room has been a disaster and being around my parents all the time adds tension. They were hounding on me to get another job, so I'm now working at both ColdStone and Max and Erma's. I think I might quit ColdStone though. I have never worked in such a cynical environment. I feel like every little thing that I do is nit-picked and I get criticized for everything. I lost so much self esteem over the past year with my major changing and working on a long distance relationship and getting criticized for spiritual life, I just can't handle this for the next 5 months. I will give it maybe another 2 weeks, but if it doesn't change then I'm going to quit and either work for my mom or look for something else.
It's so hard to just trust that things are going to work out. I've never been able to go full ahead without knowing where I am going. I know that Vietnam is going to change my life, but where will it lead? Will I ever get a job? Where am I going to live? Who is going to be there for me? All I know is that I need to keep praying more than ever right now.